Gwar, Chemlab, Hogscraper
May 30, 1997
Cincinnati, Ohio - Bogarts

What do you have when you mix random executions, obscene lyrics, and the rape of Jon Bennet Ramses on stage?  well... that would be a GWAR show sir.  GWAR is the sickest.. most vile... repulsive band to ever grace our planet, since their space ship crash landed here.  Well, me and my friend Scubaglue were heading to Cincinnati... after numerous highway delays, we found ourselves at the University of Cincinnati.. 15 minutes before we were to interview GWAR.  We arrived at Bogarts in Cincinnati, really psyched about interviewing a band that is definitely ranked up there as the best bands of all time in my book.  About a half an hour passed, when Slymenstra Hy-Men said to us, "are you the two computer geeks?"...she then shortly took us backstage where we found 2 couches... the Gwar members that we interviewed were Slymenstra Hy-Men, Balsac the Jaws of Death, and Beefcake the Mighty.  GWAR was much less intimidating because they were out of costume.  We ended up talking about everything from GWAR to Trashing Marilyn Manson to talking about Mushroomhead.  We talked for probably an hour, then as we are about to leave, the arch enemy of Gwar, Techno Destructo wanted us to interview him promoting some of the Slave Pit's movies and comic books.  After that was over, we waited for the show to start..  First Hogscraper came onto the stage, an odd band...
consisting of a lead singer painted up playing a washtub, a guitarist with an old man mask on playing an electric banjo, and a drummer with overalls and a straw hat.  Their music was kind of like country punk... it really didn't appeal to me, but the rest of the crowd seemed to like it.  They played about a 25 minute set.  Next came Chemlab, and you better believe it the pit was CRAZY... Chemlab played about a 30 minute set... I couldn't stay for all of it, because Beefcake the mighty told us to go backstage about 10 minutes before Gwar performed so we could get some video shots of them in costume.  While we were on our way downstairs, we heard that the outside power line on the building blew up, and fire was dripping on the side of the building.  GWAR was not concerned with mere FIRE!  such comments as "Yeah we so hot.. we set the shit on fire before we even hit the stage!" and "ooho my ass is hot!  my ass in on fire!  time to rock n roll hot damn!  LETS PLAY THE FUCKING SHOW!" followed.. it was quite an experience :)
GWAR played such choice cuts as Sick Of You, Pre-School Prostitute, Sammy, Black And Huge, Penguin Attack, and even brought out the giant t-rex, GOR GOR.
GWAR's stage show has a plot... and this plot was pretty complex, so stay with me :)... Techno Destructo, GWAR's arch enemy, had a plan to destroy Gwar.  Techno murdered GWAR's manager, Sleazy P. Martini, and created ROBO-SLEAZY, in order to sell the rights to dump toxic waste in GWAR's home, Antarctica, in order to mutate penguins to attack GWAR (breathe)... so GWAR battled the penguins, who acted like the three stooges.  while GWAR is busy, Techno Destructo makes a "Crack Rock Ring" and gives it to Slymenstra, seducing her, turning her into a crack whore.  Techno and Slymenstra then have their wedding, the pope is marrying them.  When it looks like GWAR is doomed, Oderus Urungus, lead singer of GWAR smokes the crack rock ring, therefore breaking the spell Techno had on Slymenstra.  Slymenstra proceeds to kick techno's ass.. but what GWAR didn't realise, is that some of the toxic waste seeped into the grave of the t-rex GOR GOR.  a mutated GOR GOR arises and GWAR must then battle to the death!  GWAR is victorious, and earth is doomed! YAYYYYYY!!!!!
     I recommend a GWAR show to everyone, even if you hate their music, their live show is the best I have ever seen.  Check them out for the Halloween tour, the day before Halloween in Chicago and Halloween in Cleveland, Ohio.